I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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