I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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