I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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