I got chris browned last night
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You can't special order awesome
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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