How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
