She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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