Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
