I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
