I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
