Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
