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After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize