It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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