Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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