Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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