thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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