Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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