You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
