im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
