dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
