i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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