he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
