The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
