he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
