I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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