Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
