i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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