wake up i wanna do it froggy style
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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