for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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