I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
