kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
