I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sorry about my life...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
