Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize