Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
