when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
