Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
