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You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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