i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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