i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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