It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
