I bet he comes in French.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
