If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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