I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
