I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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