oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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