you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
