WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
