You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
