dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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