just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
