I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
