remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
