I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
