i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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