I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
