I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize