I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
