So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
