so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
