That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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