He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
