I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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