you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
