Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
