My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't turn off my feet"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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