at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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