Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize