i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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