i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
