I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize