I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
