i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
